DC Championship: Scare Force One 97, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 36

In the DC Rollergirls’ first championship bout, Scare Force One put the finishing touches on a dominating run, remaining undefeated by beating the Cherry Blossom Bombshells 97-36.

The imposing Scare Force lineup waits to take the track. Photo credit: Calvo

The bout opened with Scare Force One jammer Harley Quinn dropping a double grand slam on the Bombshells’ Deja Bruise for a 10-0. It was the beginning of an explosive opening for the air women, who would shut out the Bombshells for the first four jams of the bout. making the score Scare Force One 22, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 0. The Bombshells would finally get on the board in Jam 5, where SF1 jammer Meatball went to the penalty box during her opening pass and Kimono Dragon was able to get 2 points out of it. In a way, the momentum shifted to the Bombshells for a little while as they were able to get lead jammer for the next four jams in a row — unfortunately for the underdogs, they were rarely able to turn it into a positive point differential. The Bombshells got their only jam win of the half when Deja Bruise scored a 1-0 over Harley Quinn as Bombshells blocker Five-Ho delayed Harley’s exit from the pack for a fair bit of time. It was the beginning of some more effective blocking from the Bombshells — on the next jam, a crowd-pleasing hit from Bombshell Hippie Longstocking launched SF1 blocker Condelezza Slice into her own jammer Meatball, sending them both to the floor. However, with Bombshells jammer Pam Backhand stuck in the penalty box, Meatball had enough time to run up a 9-3 on that jam, and SF1’s Phang would follow up with a 9-4 as her blocker Trampon leveled Deja Bruise twice on her opening pass. That brought the score to Scare Force One 40, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 10 with about 5 minutes left in the period. On the second to last jam of the half, Scare Force’s Six Five on Skates and Madeline Allfight were all over the hardy Deja Bruise, allowing Meatball to run up 9 points and calling off the jam before Bruise could get anything. As the half ended, it was Scare Force One 53, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 14.

Scare Force would continue the assault as the second half opened. Perhaps looking to give Deja Bruise some rest, the Bombshells put out Guantanamo Babe at the jammer line to start the half, but she was severely bounced around by a tough Scare Force defensive platoon of Helena Handbag, Phang and Trampon, and Harley Quinn zipped around the track for an 11-0 win. Six Five and Demabrat would do the same to Deja Bruise on the following jam, giving Condeleeza Slice the opportunity for a quick 5-0. The Bombshells finally found a way to stop Scare Force on the third jam of the half — unfortunately, it turned out to be in the form of a high elbow from Bombshells blocker Hippie Longstocking to Scare Force jammer Phang, leaving Phang on the floor and Hippie headed to the penalty box on a major. With Phang getting 3 points to 2 for Pam Backhand, that left the score at Scare Force One 72, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 16, and the points would continue to rain down for the rest of the half.

With only about 3 minutes to play, the Cherry Blossom Bombshells would have their best moment of the bout. A Harley Quinn journey to the penalty box allowed Deja Bruise to get two 5-point passes, putting up a 10-0 and moving the scoreboard to Scare Force One 97, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 36. However, it was far too late to affect the course of the bout. There wouldn’t be any scoring in the final jam, and Scare Force was free to celebrate a very impressive first season with the first DCRG championship trophy.

Scare Force ends the season 5-0, while the Bombshells go 3-2. Harley Quinn led the scoring for Scare Force One with 29 points on 7 jams, while teammate Meatball was just a hair behind with 28 points on 5 jams. For the Cherry Blossom Bombshells, it was Deja Bruise in the lead with 15 points on 11 jams. DC’s travel season begins on November 17th, as the Dutchland Rollers head down from Lancaster, PA to take on the newly minted DC all-star team.

DC Third Place Bout: DC Demoncats 98, Secretaries of Hate 36

In the third-place bout for the DC Rollergirls’ first season, the DC Demoncats solidly defeated a persistent but overpowered Secretaries of Hate and laid claim to third, 98-36.

The first jam of the bout looked like it might be good news for the underdogs, as Hater jammer Goldrush managed to nab lead jammer, but then became caught up in the pack and failed to call the jam before opposing jammer Blonde Fury had already gone all the way through and picked up 4 points to just 2 for Goldrush. The Demoncats would be hard on the Haters for the next three jams, shutting them out each time while putting up scores of 4, 7 and 5 to bring the score to Demoncats 22, Secretaries 4. It wasn’t till the 8th jam of the bout that the Haters would get a jam win, with Inconvenient Ruth getting lead and 3 points in shutting out Demoncat jammer Blonde Fury (your humble reporter would like to break character for a moment here to point out that “Inconvenient Ruth” is, like, the best name ever.) The Demoncats would get it back and more on the following jam, as Camilla the Hun would lap Goldrush in the course of getting a big 9-1 win that made the score Demoncats 34, Secretaries 8. Inconvenient Ruth, though, would not be denied, and put up the highest score of the bout to answer, a 10-0 over a penalized Camilla the Hun. When the half ended a couple of jams later, the Secretaries were still in the game with the score DC Demoncats 42, Secretaries of Hate 21.

Blonde Fury of the DC Demoncats is skating rather fast. Photo credit: Calvo

Gigantic Hater Nation flags were swinging over in turn 2 to try and exhort the Secretaries to redouble their efforts as the second half began, but it would be the Demoncats that stepped up their offensive output — and perhaps more importantly, managed to get lead jammer for seven jams in the row in the early part of the half, keeping the Haters from getting positive point differentials. Four jams into the period, it was still a game at Demoncats 61, Secretaries 30, but a four-jam explosion for the Demoncats, along with penalty trouble for the Haters, would put it out of reach. First, Camilla the Hun would go 5-0 over Inconvenient Ruth and then Blonde Fury would match it with another 5-0 over Ruth (who was finishing out a penalty from the previous jam). Next up, it was Lois Slain’s turn to keep the jammer penalty seat warm over two jams, as Camilla got a 4-0 and Blonde Fury finished the run with a big 7-0. That moved the score to Demoncats 82, Secretaries 30 with about 8 minutes to play, and the ‘Cats all but had it in the bag. In the end, the score would stand at DC Demoncats 98, Secretaries of Hate 36. The Demoncats end their first season at 2-3, while the Secretaries end winless at 0-5.

Additional reporting: Johnny Zebra, Charm City Roller Girls

Media takeover continues apace

It’s been a phenomenal couple of weeks for roller derby in the Big Media. This time it’s the Washington Post magazine, dedicating an in-depth cover story to the DC Rollergirls, with a focus on the currently undefeated Scare Force One. It’s a little dated, as it covers a period of time from the league inception up to their first bout in March, but it gets remarkably deep into the personalities of the team without sacrificing space for actual information about gameplay. It also provides a vital public service by warning DC residents that messing with SixFiveOnSkates will get you punched in the damn face. More articles like this, please.

(But for the love of all that is holy, journalists, can we PLEASE retire the “By day, they’re [occupation], [occupation] and [occupation], but by night they roll on fishnets, strap on skates and become [city] Rollergirls!” blurb? Seriously, if I read it one more time I will vomit and fall over, perhaps not in that order.)

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UPDATE: Via Mid Atlantic Derby News: Condoleezza Slice of DC Rollergirls and Harley Quinn (formerly of DC, newly of Boston Derby Dames) get themselves interviewed on NPR! Dang.

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